The Trick

Dear friends,

I think I can say that I am officially no longer nomad Anna without a job and a task. In the last few weeks, I have picked up three different projects for which to lend my expertise. All three projects are volunteer, one is a short-term project, and the other two will last as long as I desire. In addition to these three, I have picked up another project that is indefinitely long-term and, of course, my first fall graduate school class picks up next week.

I am beginning to feel the tension between the space I have been blessed with in the last 15 months and the expectation to perform and produce. I really do miss the days when I had nothing to do. I miss the days when I was given the opportunity to explore without time constraints. And I miss the days when I could wake up without knowing where I would go or who I would meet.

Certainly, I still have days like those I just described because I still have complete control over my involvement. There are few deadlines, and the work can be done from almost anywhere and at any time of the day. I think the tension comes from within: my desire to produce, to perfect, to provide. I so wished that this "over-doing-it" tendency disappeared in the last year, but alas, the struggle still remains.

As I plan for the near future, I can foresee that my work and grad school life will look a lot like what I've got now. The trick, then, is to create a rhythm for my life that gives honor to God, to my body, and to my natural giftings.

To the present and the possibility,

A.