Ain't No Superhero

Dear friends,

I would like to say that I am better, but I am not. I would like to say that I can do anything, but I cannot. And I would like to say that Lyme doesn't get the best of me, but so far, I am still waiting to say that. Ever since I arrived home from Madison Tuesday night, I have been herxing like crazy. I am very tired, experiencing a headache most of the day, and experiencing increased joint pain. I can even feel the inflammation behind my knees - one of the first initial symptoms - which tells me that it's really that bad.

It's entirely my fault for not resting as much as I should. I haven't been listening to my body enough, choosing to push through the pain and the fatigue all in the name of "other things." Those "other things" are school, "Under Our Skin" marketing, Rife treatment, and other projects. I'm going to take Saturday morning off, watch "Entourage," and rest. I am looking to spend time talking with God, reset my rhythm, compartmentalize a little more than I have, and make a better calendar of all my responsibilities through the month of September.

I can't help feeling regretful, like I got myself into yet another situation where I can't follow through, where my poor health wins yet again, where I have to apologize to those counting on me. I also can't help feeling like, as I move into a bit of normalcy, I'm bound to experience the tension between a life lived in recovery to a life lived in forward movement. I long for the days where I have nothing to do, and yet I long for the days when I can provide for myself. Can I experience both at the same time?

A.