The Joy of Washing Dishes

Hi everyone,

Tonight I received with joy the duty of washing the dishes. I eagerly washed each dirty dish, scrubbed down the counters, cleaned the sink, and even counseled myself (in my head) through some of today's events. While I do this chore three nights a week in my household, this particular time was different. Tonight wasn't about enjoying dishwashing duty; the chore has always been one of my most favorite, particularly when given the choice between that and, say, cleaning the toilet. Tonight's dishes weren't particularly light, either; washing the dishes took me as long as any other night. What was different about tonight was that I found myself drawn to the chore, to the mundane.

Ever since I stopped working, moved into my sister's house, and started serious recovery 16 months ago, I have noticed that some of the most mundane tasks can be absurdly taxiing: making dinner, going grocery shopping, paying bills, doing chores. Going to and from treatments - not to mention experiencing the actual treatment and its aftermath - ate up a lot of my energy. And for good reason: I lived in a fog. I spent so much energy doing whatever made me feel better (i.e., lying in bed, rifing, and taking medicine), that simple tasks like washing the dishes felt like going for a five-mile run. Not only did I have to go the distance, but I had to psych myself up to do it and then go lie down for a long while to recover all my spent energy. What's more, I found that I could preserve energy by ceasing to think and feel while accomplishing the task. I have realized only lately that I discovered a legitimate, yet dangerous excuse to shut down. Acknowledging my spirit, then, let alone counseling it, was out of the question.

Fortunately, my health is long beyond that point. The fog is nearly non-existent, the energy mostly stays around, and the joyful willingness to do chores, such as washing dishes, is returning. More than ever, I can physically and psychologically multi-task, I can process my feelings, and I can remain hopeful for the next day. This is a new sign of independence.

A.